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Old 15th August 2017, 03:28

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A wife got so mad at her husband she packed his bags and told him to get out. As he walked to the door she yelled, "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." He turned around and said, "So, you want me to stay?"

A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes. The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room." She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that." The man says, "Tell him you're working overtime, and I'll pay you the difference." She says, "You tell him. He's the one shaving you."
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Old 2nd October 2017, 05:10

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A guy was attending a masquerade Halloween Ball, and dancing with a girl who was wearing a map of Texas for a costume. Suddenly she slapped him hard and stalked off the dance floor. "What the hell happened?" asked a friend who had witnessed the entire event. "I'm not really sure." the man replied, rubbing his red cheek. "When she asked if I had ever been to Texas, I put my finger on Amarillo to show her, and she let me have it."

A supermarket had a Thanksgiving sale on turkey breasts and a woman wanted to buy several packages for her holiday party. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy prepackaged portions of the poultry. So she complained to the butcher. "Don't worry, ya," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system, "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."
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Old 10th October 2017, 06:20

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As a young boy Harvey Weinstein lost a spelling bee - he apparently did not know "harass" was one word

Harvey Weinstein went to his doctor and complained about his eyes hurting during sex. The doctor told him...oh, it's the pepper spray
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Old 30th October 2017, 04:42

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What's better than honor?
In her

Dad tomato, mom tomato, and baby tomato are walking down the street. Baby tomato begins lagging behind. Dad tomato goes back to baby tomato, stomps on him and yells Ketchup!!!

Why did the mouse drink oil?
Because it squeaks
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Old 14th November 2017, 02:41

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A young woman was having a physical examination and was very embarrassed because of a weight problem. As she removed her last bit of clothing, she blushed. "I'm so ashamed, and Doctor," she said, "I guess I let myself go." The physician was checking her eyes and ears. "Don't feel ashamed, Miss. You don't look that bad." "Do you really think so, Doctor?" she asked. The doctor held a tongue depressor in front of her face and said, "Of course. Now just open your mouth and say moo."

My ex girlfriend has a tattoo of a shell on her inner thigh. If you put your ear up to it... you can smell the ocean.

A man was fishing and he caught a crocodile. The crocodile told him, "Please let me go. I'll grant you any wish you desire." The man said, "Okay. I wish my balls could touch the ground." So the crocodile bit his legs off.
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Old 1st December 2017, 04:13

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If a dove is the "bird of peace" then what's the bird of "true love"? The swallow.

What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild? A $100 bill.

A blonde daughter asked her blonde mother how to spell penis, her mom said you should have asked me last night it was on the tip of my tongue.
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